Opinions Please

By any accounts getting any opinion out of the 11 readers per day who read this blog , is like trying to get peace in the middle east, but i mean really, what do we think of this .................. I don't really have an opinion as of yet so here is your forum ..... especially you oh mystery reader from Christchurch College of Education.......


What do you think about Christian singles living with members of the opposite sex? I have two friends (a man and a woman) who work for a college campus ministry organization, and live in a house together.

All told, there are four young men and the woman living in this house. My male friend has a girlfriend, but the rest of the young men and the woman are all single. I say that unmarried men and women should not live together, whether they are dating, cohabitating or just roommates. I seem to be the only one in my Bible study with this opinion.

Since my friends are merely roommates, and not romantically involved, everyone else seems to think their living arrangement is acceptable. I say it's not, since it is not a good witness and goes against what we all profess about couples not living together before marriage.

What are your thoughts?


You are dead on. It is a very poor witness for Christian singles of the opposite sex — in ministry no less! — to be living in the same house together. They are damaging their credibility as Christians and especially leaders in ministry.

What if a single young guy and girl who attend their campus ministry meetings want to move in together "just as roommates"? What will their counsel be? "Well, the two of you shouldn't do that, because it looks bad, but if you can find about 3 or 4 other guys or girls it's OK." Huh?

Christians who believe it's OK to have opposite-sex roommates or housemates (we'll leave cohabiting for another time) have made two very significant mistakes in their thinking.

One, they have agreed with the feminists, who for 40 years have tried to get us to believe that, outside a few plumbing issues, men and women are essentially the same, that there is nothing uniquely masculine about men, nor feminine about women. We can be great buddies, fight alongside each other in combat, share public restrooms, and live together! This flies in the face of scripture. Men and women aren't the same. To throw a girl in the mix of a bunch of guys living together, and think it's essentially the same as throwing another guy in there, is a victory for the feminists. "Oh, we won't be tempted sexually, we're just friends!" And all the feminists said, "Amen!" (Of course the feminists wouldn't care so much about temptation — casual hook ups are like shaking hands).

Two, as Christians these young people have a responsibility to live in such a way that it benefits and builds up others. 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 says, "'All things are lawful,' but not all things are helpful. 'All things are lawful,' but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." In a college setting, where the hook-up culture is doing everything it can to tear down healthy relationships between guys and girls, Christians should be making every effort to live as counter-cultural to that as possible. Opposite-sex roommates send a weak message to a world that desperately needs a salt-saturated standard.

I hope you'll keep urging them to change their living arrangements, for their sake, for the sake of those who are watching them, and for the Lord's sake, who commands us to "do all to the glory of God."

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4 thoughts - add yours!:

  1. Anonymous Says:

    I agree

  2. P-Style Says:

    pffft. There's a serious alck of rational thinking in that "reply".

    I flatted with a girl for a while (just the two of us) and nothing dodgy ever went down.

    Who decided that "It is a very poor witness for Christian singles of the opposite sex — in ministry no less! — to be living in the same house together".

    It is a poor witness for Chrsitians to not love, to not be kind, to not be patient. Living in the same building as someone of the opposite sex that is not your spouse is far far far removed fromm this.

    Also, I think "room-mates" and "flat-mates" might mean two differnet things, apples with oranges anyone?

  3. Debs Says:

    Ummm was that a real letter and reply from a magazine or website? Or was it just an example you made up (hi, im Debs by the way, pleased to meet you. Thought we'd better stick with some courtesy even through the internet!).

    Because I honeslty think that is an utter load of hog wash, that Christian men and women can not flat together. What basis was the reply written on? That all flatmates will be attracted to each other and end up in the sack together? That grown ups cannot resist temptation? That going into the toilet in the morning after your flatmate has just done a big steamy crap, had a shower with the window shut so the bathroom heats up and so does the smell, left his socks and undies on the wet bathroom floor for you to slide on, is seriously going to tempt any flatmate into lustful thinking?

    Flatmates can share life together, "dolife together" and all that jazz, with out any crazy sexual dynamics getting in the way.

    At the same time, members of the opposite sex can go to the same church and be highly turned on by the site of someone they have the hots for. Should they no longer go to that church? Or should they talk to God about it,their mates about it, etc etc so that the issue doesnt become an issue at all.

    I have heard of many many successful mixed genered flats working extrememly well and I say don't fix what aint broken

  4. Lisa Says:

    Hey guys, regularly read both of your blogs, very good reading. Nice to meet you.

    Hi Debs, this Boundless answers is a direct quote from this website here www.boundless.org or more specifically here :

    On reflection and after reading your guys comments and thinking about some situations, I must admit I did find the reply that the guy gave a little odd.